HARPER'S BAZAR:  November 2, 1867

However, little as I know about fashion, I am still known as a follower of the latest styles. I followed one yesterday, for instance, all the way from Bond Street to the Croton Reservoir, where it suddenly disappeared. Indeed, I have noticed most mysterious disappearances among ladies in the vicinity of that same Reservoir. Whether they slip in to pay their waterfall-tax, or to come out again with their plain silks changed to watered ones, I do not know. When my attention was first attracted by the mystery, I determined to solve it by careful watching, and did watch; but after keeping vigil for several days I gave it up as a thankless task, only serving to whet my curiosity still farther. But to return to our millinery mutton.

[HAIRSTYLES]
Waterfalls are still worn. They have retrograded from the position they at one time assumed, directly on the top of the head, and now seem in a fair way far slipping down the back a bit. Facilis descensus. For a time considerable apprehension existed that the chignon in its upward and onward course would encroach upon the forehead, giving the fair wearers the unique appearance of the unicorn, but this apprehension is happily dissipated. The feminine nose is not to be made crinose, nor is the ball to be forever up. Originally invented as a cushion for the brain, the locality of that organ is plainly indicated by the place of a lady's chignon. It is not considered ton to wear it under the left ear, otherwise it may be disposed of at pleasure. When not in actual use it serves an excellent purpose in the nursery; the children can play ball with it. Long may the waterfall wave and never may it waver! Let the wild wags wag as they will, I hope that no lady can be induced to go back on her back-hair.

[HATS]
As for bonnets, there are several styles. One worn by a leading belle yesterday particularly attracted my attention. I wish I knew where it was bought and what it is called, in order to tell the reader where not to go, and what not to get. The prettiest thing of the season, and undoubtedly destined to be the favorite, is what is known as the "Marie Antoinette"—most appropriately named after that most unfortunate queen, who, having no head to speak of toward the close of her reign, manifestly could not require much of a bonnet. The "Marie Antoinette," being made of straws, shows which way the wind blows in the fashionable world. It has two elevations—one in front called the ''diadem," and one at the back known as something else. There is some difficulty in distinguishing the "diadem" from the other thing, owing to the impossibility of telling the front of the bonnet from the back. This doesn't matter much, however, being rather an advantage than otherwise, inasmuch as a husband can not tell which way his wife is going when she puts on her things for a walk without asking her politely. In this respect the bonnet is not unlike a Brooklyn ferry-boat, though a better comparison, perhaps, might be instituted between it and the shapely double-ender of our navy. There are several other styles of bonnets, all of about the same size. It is worthy of note that the smaller they are the more they cost, which is encouraging to milliners, and enables them to get ahead pretty fast. In its present aspect the bonnet is but a waif; it will probably get to be a wafer before the season is over. The adoption of the wafer would undoubtedly be hailed with general delight, being so easy of adjustment, and calculated to stick to the head without the aid of strings. Moreover, would it not be carrying out the spirit of the age to the letter?

[DRESS]
Skirts are worn short and scant for the street. This saves material, and enables the careful mother to make aprons for the children. Dresses for the evening are made with a long trail, economically obtained by cutting a considerable amount of dry goods away from the neck. There is no use in burning your candle at both ends in times like these. Low on a narrow neck, a dress can be made to stand, or rather to set, to excellent advantage. As to the waist of the dress that is in great measure a matter of taste. Haste makes waste, it is said, but it is not claimed that a waist made in haste is better than one deliberately fashioned. The waist-knot is omitted unless the wearer wants knot, in which case some remnants of ribbon and the first few things that come handy are stuck on. As a general thing the waist should he cut scant— waist-fulness seldom pleases the one whom a woman should dress to please.

As to the bodice, that is nobody's business. The souls and bodice of women are their own, however the opponents of their rights may talk. As regards that portion of her attire a lady can consult her own comfort and convenience, staying as long as she pleases. Of course it is impossible to handle all portions of a lady's dress in detail, especially in a first attempt. Of the bodice anon, or anonymously.

[OUTER GARMENTS]
The outer garments are of various styles. It is safe, however, to predict that few box-coats will be worn by ladies this winter; they had better be avoided, especially when men are inside of them. The basque is a graceful garment, and can be made of different materials. The sun is not bad to bask in occasionally, nor are the smiles of a young and comely gentleman, who owns a pair of horses and is desirous of setting up a wife and carriage, to be sneezed at. Should he not prove to be all your fancy painted him—which is to say, should his income turn out to be not lovely and divine—you can intimate very gently, but firmly, that your basqueing days are done, and give him the sack. If it be cut in the present fashion, he will see a great many points—they can not escape his eye. Gazing, on the bugles which adorn the garment he may assert that he'll be blowed if he does not trumpet your faithlessness to the world; but you can remark that he is at liberty to trump it or follow suit, as he thinks best after which he will probably hold his whist.

As for the tout ensemble of your things, the more that they are cut up and slashed about the edges the better, and the more you'll look like a Chinese -which is the grand end and aim of woman's life this season. The effect of the whole dress could be heightened by a few of the red labels which come on tea-chests judiciously displayed at tasteful intervals around the edge of the balmoral. Looking so very mandarin none would for a moment suppose that the wearer was afraid of a man.

After which I have only to remark, that if any one has been amused by this article the world is more foolish than I had imagined; and if any one has been instructed the intention of the writer certainly has not been carried out.