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November 2, 1867
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EXPENSIVE MATRIMONY [Victorian Weddings]
MARRIAGE is in a fair way, just now, to become a standard
topic for newspaper treatment. Half the editors in this land
of critics are most gravely discussing the difficulties
that are accumulating in the path leading to the bridal
altar. We are glad to see the interest that is taken in this
matter. Newspapers are the literature of common life; they
are grand equalizers of intellect by radiating those general
influences that concern every body's instincts, aims, and
circumstances; and hence, if such evils as are peculiarly
social and domestic are to be remedied, their agency is
essential to the good work.
But we are not quite sure that this subject is properly
handled. The most of our editorial brethren are disposed to
lay the blame on the extravagance of the age, and
particularly on the expensive habits of our ladies. The
burden of complaint is every where the same. Editors from
Maine to New Orleans, discoursing on this topic, write
alike; and the same fact — viz., the excessive costliness of
women — points the argument. If this is a true statement of
the question we have not much to apprehend, as the evil
will probably cure itself. Women will not be likely to risk
their chances of marriage for the sake of indulging in extra
show. The truth is, however, that the extravagance of the
day is affecting the habits of our men more powerfully than
those of our women. Luxury and fashion are costly things for
both sexes. A woman's follies in the expenditure of money
usually appear on her person and in some of her
"surroundings;" but a man's follies are none the less dear
because they are confined to the club-house or known only to
his intimate friends. If, then, so many women are putting
themselves out of the reach of matrimony by their high
notions of style, is, it not equally certain that just as
many men — perhaps more — are voluntarily placing themselves
in the same position by lavishing thousands per annum on
their own precious selves?
The decrease of marriages in this country is obviously among
our most prosperous classes, and it is comparatively limited
to those sections, which are accumulating wealth most
rapidly. Men and women in these classes and sections are
alike enriched by the growing fortunes of business and
speculation. Sons and daughters share in the father's gains.
How, then, can the evil bear on one sex to the exclusion of
the other? Observation has long since taught us, that
whenever families grow rich the sons are more extravagant
than the daughters — they demand more money — they waste
more money, simply because the ways and facilities for
wasting it are much more numerous and accessible. The main
reason, therefore, why the number of marriages in this class
of our population is declining is because the men choose to
have it so, and not because the women are beyond their
capacity to support. Three-fourths of the bachelors of our
acquaintance are rich enough to bear the expense even of the
most fashionable women; and, what is equally certain, they
are bachelors just because they are rich. Wealth often
indisposes men to marry, but it rarely has this effect on
women. At the period of life when marriage begins to charm
the fancy and awaken the sensibilities our fast young men
are preoccupied. They have already, in most cases,
surrendered their souls to other captors. Dissipation and
licentiousness have utterly unfitted them for poetry and
love, and they vastly prefer a midnight debauch, to the
pleasures of the fireside and the companionship of a devoted
wife. Talk as we may, then, of the extravagance of the age,
it is corrupting our men far more than our women; and it
does this, not only by its direct consequences, but by
fostering cold, callous, vicious-heartedness, which makes
matrimony too much of a conscience and a restraint for their
unbridled passions.
Men soon outlive the sentiment of marriage. Nature provides
for its early development and rapid growth. If between
eighteen and twenty-five years of age young men are absorbed
with their gross gratifications — or, if they are moral and
have the excitements of fortune in possession or prospect —
it commonly happens that marriage is much less attractive
than it otherwise would prove. It is not felt as a present
want of their whole being; and as marriage with men usually
turns on thoughts and sentiments belonging to one given
period of life, and not as with women by a sort of prophetic
anticipation of what their nature will need for maturity and
old age, the loss of youthful impressibility is rarely
recovered, There have always been dissipated, licentious
men. The fast age is as old as the world, so far as Smith or
Jones is rioted in sensualism. But this fast age can not
wait on advancing life as its predecessors did. It
forestalls hope and heart. It is intensely eager for young
blood and fresh souls. Premature sots, gamblers, rakes
abound. Now, it is just here that the source of the decease
in marriages is to be found. Vice plucks out the hearts of
hundreds of our young men — plucks them out by the roots
—and leaves them no soul to admire and love virtuous women.
Marriage is God's law, and men are not to set it aside. In
relation to his providential, earthly government, it holds a
position somewhat analogous to religion in his moral and
spiritual government. All civilized society is bound not
only to recognize its sanctity, but to encourage the
extension of its ties and the operation of its restraints
over the largest possible number. The worst feature of the
extravagance of the age is its influence on our domestic
character; but let it be remembered that there is no sort of
parallelism in its effects on the two sexes, for where one
young lady is spoiled by it five young men are ruined.
How To
Cite This Article:
"Expensive Matrimony", November 2, 1867
[electronic edition]. Harper's Bazaar, Nineteenth Century
Fashion Magazine,
http://harpersbazaar.victorian-ebooks.com (2005).
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